1.29.2017

WORDS

Whenever the sun decides to fade away and the darkness creeps up, I instantly become more aware
Terrified
Lonesome
Upset
And it isn't like I'm scared of the actual dark.
Just scared of the companions that it brings.
My darkest thoughts and most personal demons always like to come out once the warmth and security of the day goes away.
They are no longer needing to hide.
The thoughts that stay all throughout the day even become more scared once the dark has arrived.
I feel wired with fear and anxiety.
No sleep for me.
Only reoccurring thoughts and moments of numbness.
Overthinking my worth
Words
Failures
Body image
Fear of hatred
Disgust.
They all know their place in my mind.
Settle in.
Make themselves at home.
Set up another night of endless thoughts accompanied by a few too many tears.
And why is that?
Why do they wait around and attack with more force when the day is needing to end?
Why make their obvious presence when the success of the day comes to a close?
Who really even knows.
But hey, look, the darkness has arrived.
I guess I'll go sit and let my thoughts take their usual places.
I won't sleep.
I'll just wait around for the sun to force their presence to go away, at least for a little while.


THESE are my personal demons.

9.14.2016

WUUUUT?

Okay...WHAT??! I haven't blogged in forever. Almost a year! That's sad. Truly. It is. I used to write on here DAILY! I just went back and read through some of my old stuff...and it's quite comical actually. High school/college drama. Sad posts. Talking about being in love or being annoyed with family. Like...HAHAHAHAHAH. Okay Mardi. Calm it down. Some posts made me laugh so hard. Some made me feel like I was losing brain cells. And others were truthfully pretty sad.

I won't delete them. They're here to stay because those words described how I felt at the moment. So why get rid of them? So...take a look at them and lol @ them like I did. 

Okay. So, a lot has happened since I blogged last. Like...a lot. Brain surgery. My brother passed away. Went to 3 psych wards. Moved like 4 times. Now I live in Oregon. Lost my car. Had some weird and amazing jobs. Lost and gained a lot of awesome friends. Had family problems. Had family solutions (lol) Lots of tears. Lots of laughs. Lots of personal hell moments but also lots of learning. I'll definitely go over all of these moments. One by one. 

Just didn't want you guys to forget about me. I'm here. I still write down my words a lot (in a little journal that if it ever got lost, I'd be screwed) 

Just be ready to read what I've got to say because WOAH...there's a lot of it. 

11.30.2015

WHERE HAVE I BEEN?

Okay, I legit have no idea where I've been. WHY HAVEN'T I BLOGGED IN FOREVER? 
Answer: no clue.

This blog isn't the coolest or the best. But it's my blog. I will always love it. This Is Prime is here to stay. For eternity.

I promise I will get back to writing. No, I'm not making an empty promise. This is a real one. Watch out blog, here I come. No more abandoning you. 


BIG BLOG POST COMING UP SOON (promise)

8.27.2015

MAKEOVER.

It was about time that this blog got a makeover. I am NOT a blog genius so I have NO clue what I'm doing half the time, but I finally got it to where I need it to be. And it looks beautiful. I love it. It's simple & rad. 

YOU GUYS BETTER LOVE IT TOO.

Okay, so I was thinking about doing a vlog again. What do you guys think? I used to do them all the time. It was seriously the best thing ever. I loved it. I loved getting questions in from you guys. Send them in and I will so get a vlog started up again. Let's make it happen. 

THANK YOU FOR READING! I hope I have readers at least. Are you out there? Hello?

xoxo. Mards

8.21.2015

GIANT step back.

I am currently at this point in life where I need to take a giant step back from everything and everyone. If I don't, then I think I will explode.
I am just in a place right now that isn't okay, and if I keep on this path, then I won't be okay and I may not stay here.
This point in life is just an all time low. I thought I had already hit it before. NOPE.
And who knows, maybe I'll hit other ones later on in life (and I really hope I don't) but this one right now is the most painful thing. It's really not okay.
Each day is a struggle. 

So, here is me saying that I'll still be around. I just need to let go of all social media. And while some people thing social media is stupid, my generation has grown up with it, it means a lot. So letting go of it is hard, yeah grandma, it is. So goodbye Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, and Blogger. I'll definitely see you again soon. I just need to focus on myself and getting better and not on what to post each day.

I love you all. Have an amazing day.

8.12.2015

LIFE.

There comes a point in life that you honestly sit back and think "SERIOUSLY??!"
You look at past choices and past experiences, some being awesome and some legit insane.
Some make a good story and some are straight up embarrassing.
Life is life though.
If we make mistakes, it's just how our lives go.
Don't base our whole scheme of life off of our mistakes. If we do that then we will constantly be stuck trying to be okay, and in reality, trying to be "okay" doesn't do anything but make us unhappy. Happiness just simply comes with deciding to be happy and to let life throw it's punches at you.
We didn't come down here to this life knowing that we would get each and every single day to be a perfect day. We can have tons of amazing and happy days, but bad things happen, but it's our perspective and how we decide to deal with it that makes us happy and feel at peace.

But hey, this is just MY point of view. What's yours?

8.09.2015

Being sick? No thank you.

Being sick is definitely not fun one bit. Like who in the world wakes up one day and says "I would LOVE to be sick today." I mean, we all did that in school so we wouldn't have to go and take tests, but this is real life. We have to get stuff done. I don't have time to be sick. ESPECIALLY IN THE SUMMER. Are you kidding me?

Sleeping with a cold is pure hell. How do I breathe? 
It's a good thing that we have medicine these days. 
If I didn't have these bad boys then I would be half dead in the shower. 
 

Send me some good vibes so that I feel better.
This cold sucks. 


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