1.31.2015

i am learning again.

there was a time when i thought i knew everything. 
and i thought that i could do anything.
i thought that i was invincible and that the world i lived in was full of good people.
i came to believe that i was who i was and that i was comfortable with that.
and that despite living in a world full of hateful words that if i tried really hard that i could find the beautiful and lovely things that were said.
i thought that all mommies and daddies loved their kids and that life was full of opportunities for those who were cared for. 
i soon came to realize that life doesn't wait around for you to be okay or happy or even to be alright with yourself.
it takes a special kind of person to live a life of meaning.
and that the world is scary but if you look hard enough that you kind find the silver lining in anything. 
i learned that i don't know everything and that is really okay because it's better to be wrong and humble than wrong and ignorant.
i learned that not all kids are loved and some mommies and daddies don't actually know what the hell they are doing, but that i should be grateful for what i have, and i am.
i learned that life is an experience and that i have the power to make the most of what i am given.
i came to understand that i hold great power within myself to bring about change and that i am in fact in charge of my life.
no one person can make my life any better or any worse because i hold all of the answers to how i feel about myself.
i finally learned that being right isn't as good as being nice.
and that there is more meaning in kindness than there is in hate. 
i really don't know everything and that's okay because i'm still young and i have time.
but learning to be a better person never hurt anyone.
in fact, you could start trying too.

i'm not my weight or height. 
i am not my ethnicity or religion.
i am not my parents mistakes.
and i am not my insecurities.
i am however my thoughts and my actions.
i am my words and my beliefs. 
and i am learning.  

words can be words. but our actions are much more powerful than things we just say out loud to try and make ourselves feel better. 
please just try to learn.