breaking point.

i am at a point right now in life that i can no longer handle things.
the smallest things set me off and today has been one of those days.
i feel hurt and beyond anything, sad.
i feel like every friendship i get into, i always come out losing. 
i am the annoying, loud, obnoxious friend that everyone loves to hate.
and i came to college thinking that things would be different.
they aren't.
i am still that annoying friend who is trying to be okay in the world around her.
but i obviously fail at it.

to those that just see the annoying in me and don't give me a chance, shame on you.
i have a lot to give. you just need to give me the chance to show you that.
but i can't if you always ignore me and treat me like dirt.
it isn't just this one thing, i think that i've brushed aside all the things that hurt me until something made me snap. and that snapping moment was today.
i have reached an all time low.

i've put up with this until now.
i am beyond sad right now. i feel completely alone down here at school.
i feel like i don't belong and that no one in this entire world gives a crap about some stupid girl sitting alone in her apartment on a saturday night blogging away her feelings.

but, this story does have a good party.
i have my constant friend. Katlyn Zunk, aka my bro.
she has always been there for me. through thick and thin.
she calms my worries and comforts my fears. she is my best friend.
i know that i can always go to her for anything. the good and the bad.
she understands me. and accepts me for who i am.
that is apparently hard for some. but she does it with ease.
i honestly have no idea what i would do without my constant friend.
i honestly love you bro.

i am going to sit here and cry for a little bit.
then tuck myself into bed with Netflix for a date and sleep off my troubles.
the only bad thing is, is that when i wake up, they will still be there waiting for me.
only time and a lot of prayer and my bro will make things better.

here is to hoping.


Daisy Flower Torres said...


ruthie.von said...

Mardi, this makes my heart break.
I am a girl of few friends and there's always that cycle, like they pull away just when you think you might need them most.
We are not the same and I don't know what it's like to feel so alone because I've never left home, but, as weird as this probably sounds, I'm here for you. Even if it's just to remember that someone cares, when you think no one does.

Feel better soon.

Katie said...

Dude I know exactly how you feel. I hate Logan so much. I didn't realize how hard it would be to leave my family and close friends in Utah Valley. I feel so alone all the time and I can't stand the thought of two more years on my own away from the people I love so much. I truly sorry you are feeling like this. It blows hard core. Lemme know if there is anything I can do to help. Being alone is the worst and if I can help someone not feel the way I feel it might make both of us feel a bit better.