3.18.2013

i'm just going to write and not stop.

pieces of framework keep falling almost like no one even cares.
holy rats. no one listens to anything that comes into existance.
i need help but not in a way that i can say outloud.
my thoughts swiftly glide in and out but that's okay because i never really meant for them to mean anything.
but they do and i sit here thinking why we look like we do and not a single answer comes to mind.
i belong to no one. you could say a child of the unknown. which makes sense because all beautiful things come from lost and forgotten places.
i need structure.
but i am too blind to see that.
i eat away at my demons and let them in when they say it's alright.
because in the darkest hours of our own personal hell slapping us in the face, there is a clear and yet crappy line that keeps us pissed in one direction and forgiving in the other.
i just want to scream out "HEY YOU, I AM HERE. ME! NOT WHAT I'VE DONE. ME!"
this shouldn't condemn me or put me to shame.
but it should mold me and refine me with love.
but this is not quite so.
i just want to zip myself up into the sleeping bag of my feelings and cry and cry and cry until all my fears are gone and i can sit dry and dumb and hurt.
because i'm mad.
and i want to show the world how angry i am.
but right now, i can't.
so i'll just sit. 

3 comments:

chloe rickenbach said...

mardi i look up to you so much & i love you. be expecting a letter soon. keep your head high.

Natalie M said...

I sure love you Mardi. You really are an inspiration. What an incredible young woman you are.

Anonymous said...

Boo