today i felt completely defeated. 
it was a perfectly normal day. i went to class, i worked and life went smoothly.
but i feel like i'm not really going anywhere and i wish that i knew what my life purpose is.
i feel like a complete failure and life nothing wants to work out.
but i have no idea why i feel this way. i should be loving life.
i just need to figure out who i am and what i am doing.

it doesn't really help that my best friend is leaving for her mission tomorrow.
don't get me wrong, i am incredibly proud. but i am sad beyond belief.
Alexis has always been my go to friend. 
anything wrong, i need help, i want to laugh, i need advice. whatever it was. she was there.
we talked almost every single day and we knew what each other was doing.
i can't possibly think about these next 18 months without her.
Texas is lucky to have you my friend.
i love you.

i've been working a lot on myself lately and who i am.
i really have changed for the better, but i just hope that the people that i wronged will have it in their hearts to forgive me and give me another chance.
it seems harder for me to be good here though. i need to work on myself and school and not worry so much about people and hanging out and what the latest gossip is. i just need to chill and be with myself for a little bit. i hope you can understand and also miss me. everyone deep down wants to be missed. i am just saying it out loud.
i want you to miss me.

tomorrow will be fine, just like today was.
i just need to get out of this rut and find out what i am doing here and what my life has in store for me.
until then, i will just be "meh."

feel free to help me out a little here.

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