1.27.2013

explanation

when times are rough and i feel so alone, i get small reminders that the Lord works in mysterious way.
sometimes it's though something small like a kind text, or class being cancelled. i take those small moments to see that the Lord is on my side.
but i feel like i only see these small acts of mercy to me when i am depressed or life just doesn't go my way. and what a shame that is.
the Lord works around is all the time and sometimes we don't stop to see how greatly we are blessed.

i've been unusually sad lately. like, really really sad.
i go to class and work then come home and lock the door and cry and watch netflix for hours.
honestly, thats not good.
i think i am just so unhappy here because i feel like people don't like me. and that i just don't belong.
but in reality, plenty of people talk to me and i do lots of things.
i just can't shake this feeling.
and i'm sorry that all my posts are depressing or if i am not cracking jokes.
i just can't find it anywhere in me to do that.

so, tomorrow i will come home and cry in my bed after class while i watch Grey's Anatomy and eat cookies. but that doesn't mean that i am a bad person like one person has chosen to tell me.
i'm just going through something, and i don't know how to get out of my rut.

so, if you're ever in Ephraim and feel like cheering someone up, pick me.
i like dr. pepper with 4 shots of vanilla and corndogs.

i could really go for a corndog right about now....

2 comments:

nina c. said...

Mardi, this is just what I needed. I know what you're feeling. But you are right, God does work in mysterious ways. And hey, I know we haven't seen each other in like a million years, but you're still one of the coolest people I've ever gotten to know. Your blog cracks me up, your photos are awesome, and I've always looked up to you for your amazing attitude and hilarious nature. You are awesome, don't forget it. :)

courtney said...

mardi! everyone goes through hard times. you are most defiantly not a bad person just because life is rough right now and you express your thoughts and feelings on your blog. But honestly thanks so much for this post, something i really needed to see and read right now. just keep counting the little things and all the blessings and remember all that really counts, and hopefully life will start looking better soon! your such a strong girl, love you!