"that girl"

i am honestly sick of being "that fat funny girl"
it really is the worst. sure, being funny makes people remember you.
but no one will really like you or even love you.
i know i am a large and in charge kind of girl. let's not hide the elephant in the room, no pun intended.
and usually i don't care because i am comfortable in my own skin.
but here in college it is getting me down.
i don't want to be treated different just because i like food more than you and the genes encoded in my body made me look like this.
i am a nice person. just get to know me. i can be rude too. just get to know me.

i am annoyed and not feeling very social right now.
i was, but being ignored isn't my cup of tea.
no one has been straight up rude to me, but it is just in the small conversations that i am ignored and the skinny beautiful girl gets all the attention.
i get weird looks and mumbled answers.

where is my night in shining armor? don't i deserve to be happy too?

i feel defeated and tired.
i think i will go to bed.
maybe this being poor and not having food will do me good.
i don't want to be lonely forever, and right now, i am pretty lonely.


Maddie Violet said...

Guys are idiots. They really are. You are beautiful and funny. I had a hard time with that when I started college, but I think over time, I didn't really want to be with the guys that just pay attention to the little skinny girls. There is a man out there for you and he'll be PERFECT. You deserve to be happy. You are a wonderful girl and I hope you know that! Love ya!

love, Maddie Violet

miss mandi said...

oh. mardi.
come hang out with me.