i will admit it

my biggest insecurities make me insane. i am always getting down on myself for things and guess what? NOTHING IS WRONG! i make the problems up in my mind. and they drive me so insane.
and i think my friends know this. i annoy them so bad.
and for this, i apologize. i am insecure about some things. but who's not?
i always feel like the ones i love the most won't love me, and this sounds cheesy, but i'd rather not be alive then to not have the people i love, love me back.
do you get what i am saying?
i love my friends and family. and i would do anything for them.
i hope they know that, today, tomorrow and for forever.
but when they are not okay, i think;
"oh, now they don't like me" and then i start to freak out, and think it's all my fault.
then get on myself. when really, they love me, i know it.
and it's just me.
not them.
and it's just with the people i care about the most. if it were just some random person, i'd be okay.
but the people i am close, mean more to me than anything.
namely on best friend.
i try to live up to her. but i never really can. she is simply the best friend i've ever had.
and without her i wouldn't be who i am today. i would be stuck back into old habits.
and it is all thanks to her.
her single opinion matters more to me than anything, well, close to anything.
she is the ultimate friend.
but, sometimes, i feel like i can't live up her her awesomeness.
but hey, there is always room for improvement.
i just sometimes wish things could be good all the time. in life in general.
but who knows if or when that will happen

spring break has been good. but, i feel weird now.
i wish this would end.

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