a dangerous thing

all in my 16 (almost 17) years of living. i've come to find out that the most dangerous thing is sitting alone with our thoughts. they can almost kill us more than some physical thing can. all the lingering and ever lasting thoughts are there, always with us. and they can be so painful all you can do to release the tension is to just cry, scream or punch something.

i find that this is my biggest problem. my thoughts tend to get me into a lot of trouble. not really with anyone else, but more with myself. i can be such an idiot sometimes and i know it. it's something that i will so own up to. but, once a thought gets into my head, it doesn't really leave. i go through it every which way that i can. sometimes, i make up my own reasons for why the things happen. and i taunt myself. i affect my own attitude and i am so tired of it. i need to stop.

sometimes, i just sit and think. that's all i do. and honestly, i'd be content with just sitting and thinking. but, thats where my trouble is. and it's really tiring and frankly, it's stupid. i can say that. i bet if you were to ask my closest friends, they say the same thing. i bug them all the time with my thoughts and misguidance's, but i honestly don't mean to. it's just a weakness for me i suppose.

things are constantly changing. so are thoughts. with, time, age, circumstance, and personal perception. that is one of life's many great challenges. all our thoughts are not always going to be the same. some may, such as who we love and trust, the concept of good and evil, and religion, if any. but really, those things are all subject to change. no thought is exactly pure and constant of what they first were. and thats why i find things to be so tricky at times.

already my thoughts are just going wild. they never stop. ever, ever. it's so annoying. i can't sleep sometimes because of it. and they are the most random things sometimes. it would even drive the holiest of holiest insane. i can tell you that. oh my dear lanta.

so if you ever see me simply sitting around, looking far off, try to snap me out of it. or spark up a random conversation. i can tell you that it will do me a world of good. and you will be rewarded in the after life, i can promise you that.

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