i find it funny how life can most certainly take you anywhere, have you do anything and face things that seem so horrible at the moment, but come to find, that they are really just a "learning experience" in the end. and how, things work themselves out in the most funny ways.
recently, i've been so grateful for things. my health. friends. family. school. food. my bed. technology. nature. the gospel. books. and music. because, these things really keep me sane. without them, i'm quite sure that my world would be, in a mess, or more than a mess than it is now.
things can seem hard sometimes, i know, i get it. and i understand why they do, i just don't always get what i'm supposed to learn from it. and this past year and a half have been pretty challenging, from cancer, to losing best friends. personal challenges to family issues. and throughout them all, i've tried to find some good from it. but i can't. i find nothing.
i almost even sound a bit bitter about it. i'm not. just confused. and now, that i'm reminded once again, to find the best in challenge, i can't help but think, maybe there is no lesson to learn. maybe it's just to chance to test out how well we can deal with things. possibly our loyalty, standards and faith.
i think in our misunderstanding of the way things work, we misunderstand how beautiful suffering can be, but i don't willingly sign up for it. but when it comes, we forget. we forget that God is in control and He has a way of making the most miserable thing look beautiful. i think in all situations, come pain or strength, we always need to remember that God has a plan for us, individual and safe, as long as we remember Him.
and on the other hand, maybe it is for a reason, sometimes we need to experience hard things in order to become stronger. we live in a world that is protected and tries to create perfection. so we never learn how to be immune, how to heal, how to overcome. so maybe it is a lesson thing, i think it all depends on our attitude, and how we choose to deal with it.
right now, for me, i guess i just haven't figured that out yet. but i will. with time. and more hard things, but also good things. we learn from good, i definitely know that for sure.
and lastly, maybe bad things happen because of karma. and things we choose. Noam Chomsky said "when questions of decision, reason or choice of action arise, human science is at a loss." and i believe that. it means that not everything needs a reason. sometimes things just happen because we choose them to. and i choose to believe in things that people may say is impossible. everything is possible. even the strength to overcome our challenges, possibly find the meaning from them, or not. but it's possible.
by three methods we learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is noblest. second, by imitation, which is easiest. and third, by experience, which is the bitterest. and boy, is it really. experiences are the hardest, they are the most challenging and painful.
i probably sound so confused. aaahhh. yes we learn, and no we don't. but i honestly don't know. maybe it depends on the challenge, who is involved and why it happened. i don't know. but i do get that when we feel pain, it's real. it's horrible. and we can't really function feeling that way. but i do know it happens for a reason. all things do. but the thing i think the most important thing we can learn is to not let it make us hardhearted and angry. because when it does, we've succumbed to the way the challenge is wanting us to feel.
don't let feeling bad turn you into a person you don't even like. instead, let it shape and mold you into a better person. we always hear of trial and error. but what they forget to mention is the successes too. there are many. feeling good and content with things is the best feeling in the world. money can't buy it. you can't install it and you certainly can't steal it. it comes with life opportunities and circumstance. along with personal perception and well being. so learn form all the pain as hard as it may seem. and it may not even feel worth it at all. but when you look at the big picture it's so important. don't let others bring you down, and if they do, be so determined to get back up.
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