mark this day.

as the first day i've shed a tear over a boy.

yeah, pathetic.

but, i can't help it.

i feel like my heart has been ripped out and jumped on.

and the whole time, everyone is watching, not even caring.

as i stood during the football game, i almost burst into tears just thinking about it.

but i'm not one to care about people sometimes,

so i don't get why this is so hard for me.

everything that happened today was a waste.

a waste of time,

a waste of energy

and a waste of tears.

so i almost want to be done with it all.

i can't stand to just sit there and watch as the boy i love goes in for another woman.

and my best friend that is.

I KNOW. spare me the lecture.

it happens in life.

your over reacting.

get over it.

no.

don't tell me that.

i want you to be there for me,

love me and comfort me,

and stop being so selfish.

but on these truely horrible days, when i come home from a long midnight walk full of crying,

i come to find a note and animal crackers on my door from a friend.

funny how friends know exactly what to do.

small act of service? yeah, but it meant the world to me.

this day has been such a hard day, and i just want to curl up in my bed and forget about it.

but easier said than done.

but with my past, i've learned a few things;

not everything will work out, in fact, 90% of things don't.

if you expect love in return, you will sadly be mistaken.

love is the only shocking act left on the planet, and can also hurt the most.

and that, life certainly isn't fair.

i want to fall asleep forever.

and never get up.

and i secretly want to be missed, so that i know people care.

i want them to say, "are you okay?"

so i know that they want to talk.

but we can never really be mind readers,

and so, today, has been bad.

really bad in fact.

i NEVER cry,

so this just goes to show how much i care.

maybe it's more jealousy.

or perhaps that my heart has been broken.

and i just feel worthless.

or all three.

it still hurts the same.