growing up.

it's one thing i'm scared to do. i'm so scared to go to college. and i'm scared to know that i will be on my own soon. i know i'm only a junior but, college's have been calling, and sending me stuff. and i've been going to college prep classes. and taking the SAT and PSAT/NMSQT and the ACT. and i'm just so frustrated and stressed.


don't get me wrong. i do want to leave and explore the world. make my own decisions. fail and learn and fail and learn again, but just the fact of it all coming so fast is scaring me. i never know what lies ahead. or who, or when things work out. but then again, i guess that's half of the fun.


right now, i'm so done of this little town and high school drama. i'm sick of the boys here. nothing new or interesting (maybe that's an over statement) but, i can't wait for the day, when i'm not dependant on my friends for fun and such. when a man can love me for me, and if we only had eachother for the rest of our lives, we would be perfectly and absolutely happy. i'm just waiting.


but i do know i have to first put in action to get that, i have to work towards my goals. make the right choices, and believe in what i know is right. and i know things will work out.


i think it's funny how the universe works out. how we find the people we meet. and how we can share so much in common, yet previously, had never known they existed. how does the universe know who we need and when we need them? and how does it know exactly the person we need? if we think about it, there are billions of people out there. how do we know that the person we will love more than anything isn't standing right next to us in a crowd, or driving on the same street as us, or even our friends?


it's funny how things work out. and funny how growing up can be so scary, yet so rewarding. and how even though i want to fight the urge to just pretend in 12 again just to feel like i only have small problems, staying 12 will never get me anywhere.


we can't stay scared of the things that will determine us.