6.09.2015

Update

So I haven't truly written much on here lately. I used to treat this blog like my bff. I would write on it 24/7. WHAT HAPPENED? No clue. But I have definitely missed it. I love just sitting here and writing down things that are happening, any words that I need to let loose, and anything about cats. It's rad. So get ready for an update of my life lately.

So I moved into Pam's house. Long story short, life was going crazy and I needed some help. So awesome bad ass Pam took me in. At first when I got there all I wanted to do was lay in bed and cry and miss Michael, but Pam got me out of bed and involved in life. She kept me busy throughout the day so that I didn't have time to think about how depressed I was. I had amazing adventures with Pam. She will ALWAYS be like a second mom to me.
Also Pam has the most adorable kids EVER. They are my siblings now. I love who they are. They were so kind to me. Plus they are all sassy and amazing. I truly love them (Yeah Cruz isn't in this picture, he was too busy being a tan shirtless kid)
Pam's husband Chad also had an amazing effect on me. He is a priesthood holder and in the times that I needed extra strength and help, he would give me a blessing. While to some people it may seem just like a continual thing that happens in their lives, but in mine it doesn't. Blessings are rare. But his made me feel the spirit so strong. He is an amazing man who lives an amazing life while putting up with his sassy wife and kids. So while I may never say it to him, I admire Chad and feel like he is a father figure to me.

Okay, enough about the Blackhurst's. The other person that took me in and helped me in this hard part of my life was my beautiful Kayles. All of you probably know how much I love her. She is also a second mom to me. She is the organizer of not only my life but also physical possessions. She loves to clean and organize. She helped me move this past weekend and I ABSOLUTELY loved it. She makes things get into order. She is not only a cleaning lady but she is also a person that I love and admire. She has done more for me the last few years than some people would do in a lifetime. I love Kayli Johns. No doubt in my mind that I will always keep her close in my life. 

These 2 ladies have helped me in the hardest and most painful moment of my life. They have been the ones that have lifted me up when I can't stand up. They don't just tell me to get over it, they help me accept what's going on and change it. While I may not be doing 100% better, these 2 have helped me more than I give them credit for. I could never ask for better second mothers in my life. These 2 have saved my life on numerous occasions. I love Pam & Kayli.

Okay I'll try to stop being so sappy. So other than these 2, I've had lot of people out there helping me. I have the best friends ever. They are beyond rad and kind. I love them all.



I couldn't ask for more bitchin' babes in my life. They make my life feel more complete.

So other than these people in my life, I've been doing some things with my life too. First of all, I got a tattoo!
TOTALLY KIDDING. First of all, it says CTR and that would be a redundant tattoo but this is written with sharpie and then my back was slapped...HARD. 

I did the Kylie Jenner Challenge and OH MAN. It was so weird. My lips blew up. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Look how amazing I look. 

But last of all, I just moved down to Orem. I got an apartment and moved. I love and hate it at the same time. I want to be with Pam & Kayli up here but I know I need to be down and on my own. But duh, it's like 15 minutes away. It's not like I'm in a different state. But my place is adorable. Pam used her rad muscles to get all of my stuff out for me and her daughter Ally and Kayli organized it so well and fast. It looks amazing. 

So life is moving forward. I'm trying to make the most of it. Depression has a hold on me a lot of the time and it's hard to look past that. I try really hard but sometimes it's just the last thing on my mind. It's a challenge every single day for me and it's damn annoying but these people definitely make me feel better. I love who they are. The people in my life mean so much to me & I am truly blessed. Thank you, thank you, thank you.